CW: mentions of trauma, sexual abuse
If I were to ask you what it feels like to be in your body, there is no denying every single person is going to have a unique answer and perspective. How often do you truly feel in your body?
Is it only when you are at home alone? Or maybe it is when you are with someone in particular. How often do you think about your body? Do you ever feel your body, and quiet down your mind. What I am alluding to is embodiment.
We can be taught from a Western lens to perceive our mind & body as separate entities. This could be harmful to our overall health. The mind-body connection is not separate – rather I would propose we think of them in a holistic sense; as influencing each other.
Imagine a busy Monday morning – perhaps you have an exam due in an hour, or there is so much traffic but you really have to use the bathroom. Or perhaps you are having a night out, and are stuck in a really awkward situation, and you are trying to figure out the best way out of the situation.
In these moments our mind can take over, and we can feel a disconnection to our body. I would argue that when we are in high stress moments, we would benefit greatly from being able to feel/hear what our body is trying to tell us.
What I mean by this, is often the body knows before the mind does. It just takes the brain some trial & error to catch up, but the body already knows. Our bodies hold so much wisdom. This can come from past experiences (traumatic or not), or common experiences that we have gotten used to. Our brain stores this information, and acts accordingly to its environment.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that often encourages us to ignore what our bodies are trying to tell us, to only stay in the mind. Over time, this leads to a disconnection, but remember the mind-body are always influencing each other.
This is why we go into fight/flight/freeze/fawn states, because our mind-body works together to protect us. It doesn’t always mean our decisions will reflect what we actually want to do. The brain is doing the best it can, with the information it currently has. And our body responds in the best way it knows how.
By now you might be wondering what this has to do with sexuality – embodiment could play a vital role in a healthy relationship with your sexuality, and how you interact with other people. How you react in your personal relationships is influenced by past experiences.
By bringing an embodiment practice into our lives, we will be more in tune with things that make us feel good or make us feel uncomfortable. Which can then help us set boundaries, and ask for what we want. This can lead to healthy communication; with everything coming together, and providing us with a better understanding of ourselves and the environment around us.
So, how do we begin to feel more connected to our bodies? How do we help the mind-body connection flow? How do we tap into what our body is telling us, or checking in while we are navigating our everyday lives?
It will be intentional and take practice, but it is not impossible. The more we practice, the more it will come naturally. It also doesn’t need to be perfect. It is more about getting in touch with all the parts that make us human, and having an authentic human experience amidst all the responsibilities and daily experiences.
A few tips on getting started:
□ Start slow. Body scans can be an intentional way to check in with our body; notice if you are holding tension in certain places. Send care to any spots that may be experiencing more pain or discomfort (jaw, shoulders, hips). You can do this laying down, or sitting in a comfortable position. No judgement, just noticing.
□ A somatic practice can be beneficial to the mind-body connection and healing trauma in the body. If you have experienced sexual abuse or if it feels scary to tap into how your body is feeling, it might be helpful to have a therapist or trained Somatic practitioner guide you through this.
□ Go for a walk. Notice parts of your body, pay attention to them, check in with how your body is feeling. Notice the environment around you; the birds chirping or children playing.
□ Engaging in a yoga practice, or mindful breathing.
□ Engage in everyday chores in a mindful way. When doing the dishes, listen to music and be present in what is currently happening. When driving the kids to soccer practice, don’t worry about your to-do list, that will be there when you are done. Focus on the current moment. Is your body feeling tired, or energetic.
Try different tools, see what is a good fit, and practical in your life. Cultivating a stronger mind-body connection will ultimately benefit us in all areas of our life. You will feel more connected to your environment, and to how your body is feeling. Mental wellness influences physical health & vice-versa.
I want to restate that being connected to our bodies in a deeper way can feel scary for some people, for a multitude of reasons and experiences. Be gentle with yourself and take it at your pace. Consider this a tool, but you are ultimately the expert in your own life and pleasure.
Ramona Flowers
IG: ask.ramona // askramonaflowers@gmail.com // https://askramona.substack.com/
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